McDonald’s Effing Rocks: Whatever Bullsh*t You’ve Heard Ain’t True, Because Mickey D’s Is Awesome

By   |  March 25, 2010

For some reason, in recent years, it has become trendy in America to hate McDonald’s restaurants. Maybe it’s because of their goofy advertising, or their formerly goofy mascots. More likely though, it is the “disgusting!” reputation they have developed among pretentious teenagers who apparently didn’t realize it was a bad idea to each fast food 3 times a day prior to the release of the documentary “Super-Size Me.” In any case, McDonald’s is wildly popular in every other country in the world, to the point of being high-class (often sporting marble flooring or piano players). And frankly, it’s fine if many Americans don’t want to admit to “lovin’ it” because the company’s sales figures prove it for them (along with this drive-thru rap video). This is why McDonald’s rules:

1. Free Wireless Internet – They promised it would happen, and now its becoming true. Already many McDonald’s locations nationwide offer free WiFi internet which was installed and is provided by AT&T. It’s fast, reliable, and doesn’t require any pesky account-creation. Plus, there are always plenty of comfortable booths available for all you college students!

2. Amazing 21st Century Re-Brand – I’m not sure if you noticed, but ol’ Mickey D’s has been pouring millions of dollars into a new re-branding campaign which includes completely remodeling every single restaurant. The face-lift looks infinitely more mature and attractive, and has dropped all the cheesy colors and mascots of the last century. This effort, along with free internet and great coffee, is sure to launch them past the likes of Starbucks for many customers in the near future.

3. Cheap, Delicious, Quality Coffee – Many Americans don’t realize that the McCafe coffee shops have been around for years in Australia and Europe. In recent years the McCafe “shops” have been introduced in many American McDonald’s locations as part of their continential re-branding efforts. A small house coffee costs just a dollar, and their other offerings of mochas and iced-lattes are already reeling in thousands of addicted fans, at a fraction of the cost of self-righteous coffee shop chains.

4. Cheap, Delicious, Quality Food – You’ve probably heard dozens of false rumors about the quality of beef that McDonald’s uses in their burgers. In fact, the restaurant chain uses only grass-fed beef from the US, Australia, and New Zealand, which is the most natural, lean, and humane beef you can purchase (corn-fed cows used in most restaurants are not as healthy and are shot up with tons of antibiotics). For the record, Australia and New Zealand are two of the only regions in the world that were not affected by mad cow disease epidemics.

5. Generous Charities – The Ronald McDonald House is not well-known but does much for hurting children and families around the world. With 289 chapters in 52 countries, the charity helps families afford living and housing expenses when their child is being treated in a hospital. They also provide student scholarships and generous grants to various non-profit organizations. Worth Magazine named them as one of the top 100 American charitable organizations.

6. All-American Reputation – McDonald’s has been sponsoring the US Olympics team for decades, as one of the most consistent American corporate sponsors to date. Not only do they contribute tons of sponsorship cash, but they offer free food to American athletes at the Olympic Village. All I know is that I want to be one of those old men that show up at 7am every morning to grab a McDonald’s coffee in downtown Burbank while chatting up politics with the local elderly. That’s as American as it gets.

7. Free, Clean Bathrooms – You’ll appreciate this more when you study abroad in Europe. McDonald’s is one of the only reliable food chains when it comes to free, spacious bathrooms that are decently clean. Plus, they rarely care if you are a paying customer or not. (Did I mention their ketchup is usually free around the world too?)

8. Fast, Reliable, And Consistent Service – This might sound general, because it is. No other service-oriented company in the world is as consistent in style, approach, or atmosphere as McDonald’s. Their quick service and amazingly consistent flavors contribute to their strong, and oh-so-stable, identity. (Possible exception.)

9. Prime, Accessible Locations – This doesn’t really need an explanation. How does “Maccas” always seem to be located at every best highway exit, intersection, and beach front in the world?

10. Respect For The Environment – Wannabe hippies love to say how McDonald’s is mean to their employees, or is horrible for Mother Earth, along with other forms of bullshit. Here is the truth:

*McDonald’s has been ranked among the “40 Best Companies for Diversity” by Black Enterprise Magazine, 2005, 2006, 2007
*In Brazil, Chile and Argentina, McDonald’s has partnered with local organizations that transform used cooking oil into biodiesel. Currently, 270 restaurants in these markets deliver their used oil to be converted into biodiesel, representing over 1,000,000 liters of oil to date.
*McDonald’s Australia has implemented a variety of water conservation measures with impressive results, including extensive landscaping and smart irrigation practices. Advanced stormwater retention tanks can save almost four million liters of water over a 20-year period.
*In August, 2008, McDonald’s USA opened its first corporate-owned pilot green restaurant and received Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED) Gold certification in April, 2009. This “green building lab” in Chicago will help McDonald’s USA refine its green building strategy and identify practices that can be incorporated into future restaurants.
*McDonald’s Japan participates in the Japanese government’s Team Minus 6% program to reduce CO2 emissions by 1kg per person, per day, by offering a discount to consumers who registered to participate in the program. During the 2007 campaign, McDonald’s Japan helped raise the number of participants from 40,000 to 380,000.
* McDonald’s has been recognized as a “great place to work” by the Great Place to Work Institute in over 30 countries where we operate
* McDonald’s first “green restaurant” opened in Sweden in 2000, followed by additional green restaurants in France, Germany, Brazil, Canada, Costa Rica and the U.S.
* 82% of McDonald’s consumer packaging in our nine largest markets is made from renewable materials
* In 2008, 98% of our fish was sourced from fisheries with favorable sustainability ratings
* 42% of McDonald’s Senior Management started their career with McDonald’s in the restaurant.
* McDonald’s Global Children’s Marketing Guidelines unify us around a common set of principles for responsible marketing to children
* In 2007 & 2008, McDonald’s was ranked 2nd among food service companies by Climate Counts, designating our company in the organization’s “Starting” category as a “better choice for the climate conscious consumer”
* All of McDonald’s nine largest markets have a fruit and/or vegetable option for Happy Meals such as fruit bags, Apple Dippers, cherry tomatoes and corn cups
* McDonald’s restaurants in the U.S., Australia, Europe and additional markets have substantially reduced – or eliminated – trans fatty acids (TFAs) in our cooking oils
* World Children’s Day, McDonald’s annual worldwide fundraiser, has raised millions for Ronald McDonald House Charities and other children’s charities each year since 2002

Perhaps the only thing that McDonald’s could continue to improve is their partnerships with humane farmers. However, compared to most other restaurant chains out there, they are already way ahead of the curve.

DID YOU KNOW?

  • McDonald’s has been recognized as a “great place to work” by the Great Place to Work Institute in over 30 countries where we operate
  • McDonald’s first “green restaurant” opened in Sweden in 2000, followed by additional green restaurants in France, Germany, Brazil, Canada, Costa Rica and the U.S.
  • 82% of McDonald’s consumer packaging in our nine largest markets is made from renewable materials
  • In 2008, 98% of our fish was sourced from fisheries with favorable sustainability ratings
  • 42% of McDonald’s Senior Management started their career with McDonald’s in the restaurant.
  • Nutrition information on McDonald’s products is available to consumers in all of nine largest markets through in-store trayliners and brochures, company websites and other innovative means
  • McDonald’s Global Children’s Marketing Guidelines unify us around a common set of principles for responsible marketing to children
  • In 2007 & 2008, McDonald’s was ranked 2nd among food service companies by Climate Counts, designating our company in the organization’s “Starting” category as a “better choice for the climate conscious consumer”
  • All of McDonald’s nine largest markets have a fruit and/or vegetable option for Happy Meals such as fruit bags, Apple Dippers, cherry tomatoes and corn cups
  • McDonald’s team of culinary professionals help create new menu items to meet the tastes and needs of our diverse customer base around the world
  • McDonald’s restaurants in the U.S., Australia, Europe and additional markets have substantially reduced – or eliminated – trans fatty acids (TFAs) in our cooking oils
  • McDonald’s serves as the Official Restaurant of the Olympic Games, feeding the athletes in the Olympic Village
  • World Children’s Day, McDonald’s annual worldwide fundraiser, has raised millions for Ronald McDonald House Charities and other children’s charities each year since 2002

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11 Comments on “McDonald’s Effing Rocks: Whatever Bullsh*t You’ve Heard Ain’t True, Because Mickey D’s Is Awesome”  (RSS)

  1. McDonald’s has their coffee supplied by Higgin’s & Burke (the premium label of Mother Parker’s coffee company). There is no MSG in it… just Arabica coffee beans.

    As for their beef…
    http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/mcdbeef.asp

    P.S. Try one of the meal salads instead of a Big Mac next time.

  2. Sure their coffee tastes great…. because it has MSG in it, which has been linked to obesity, diabetes, and autism among other things. Seriously, I’d rather pay another coffee shop more than a dollar for my coffee and protect my body since it’s the only one i’ve got. (Not to mention it’s in their food too)

  3. Thank God, for once someone has some reasoning. It just pisses me off when people say ‘McDonald’s sucks because of what they say’.

    And if you say a word about ‘Supersize Me’, all I can say is you deserve to die a slow death if you would eat McDonald’s, or ANY FAST FOOD three times a day everyday. How much would that cost? College students have better things to buy, don’t they?

    Lastly, McDonald’s is my favorite fast food restaurant, but since there aren’t any nearby I only eat there like once a month or so.

  4. I’m sorry, but there is NO WAY that McDonald’s cheap, mass-produced burgers are from cows that are “grass fed”. The fast food industry has re-shapen how cows are raised and slaughtered to obtain the meat as cheaply as possible. The cows are fed grain (such as corn) and injected with antibiotics.

    Watch the movie “Food Inc.” or “Fast Food Nation”. Please find out the facts first !!

  5. honestly i am not convinced.

    this articles is a lame attempt to salvage a bad reality for the company.

    you can fool some people some of the time but you can fool everyone all the time.

    for that matter i am still staying away from mac and coke. at any rate, i predict that mac probably wont last another 10 years at this current rate of decline.

    i would rather make myself a good sandwich, and buy myself the entire collection of tenga japanese sex toys from tengatango.com using the money i saved from not eating at mac.

    at least the japs make something really useful and practical, and dont try mislead like what this article is trying to do.

  6. easy to find and open 24/7 around most colleges.

  7. Check out this article about McD’s beef… http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/31/us/31meat.html?pagewanted=all

  8. You lose all credibility at 4. Your going to sit there and tell me with a straight face that Macdonald’s is both “delicious” and “quality” food. LOL all day on that. Even if American comfort food could be in anyway consider either of those to adjectives McDonald’s CORP. isn’t doing them right. If they deserve any credit it’s for finally passing the Catholic church as the largest land owner IN THE WORLD!!

  9. Mcdonalds has done so much wrong in the past. It’s going to be very difficult for them to make up for it. They changed the whole food industry for the worse (along with other fast-food chains, but they were the pioneers).

    Although Mcdonald’s might be improving, I still believe Mcdonald’s should be avoided at all costs.

  10. Grass fed? Can someone say brown sugar?

  11. If McDonalds actually adopted this, it truly would rock –

    http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/e4dd644f42/introducing-chicken-mcnecklace

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